Dave makes a survey for you, and even gives his own answers.
1. Given the choice between losing your genitals to a rabid animal having a threeway with two past winners of American Idol, what flavor of lube do you bring to accomodate Ruben Studdard.
Bar-B-Q
2. Have you ever behaved in a self sexual way that could be considered shameful or clinically unhealthy.
Like it's going out of style!
3. Before you go out on Saturday nights, what kind of substansial evidence can you give that 9/11 was not perpetrated by the White House.
Tower 7 collapsed. Which is the writing on the hip new faux-vintage shirt I will be wearing.
4. You have been given 40 million dollars and a beachfront property. If you refuse the gift, you die. If you accept, you must kill one celebrity that you like. If you choose the house and the cash, who would it be.
I would rather kill myself than deprive the world of Bruce Springsteen. That is Bruce 1975. So, lets go with Bono. Love him, but I have a feeling that he'd do better as a marytr than a musican.
5. Have you ever been raped?
Yes. Yes I have been.
5a. Are you answering yes to # 5 to get attention, or is this a cry for attention, like an overweight teen who tries to klll herself by eating 40 flinstones vitamins.
No. I am pretty sure I have been raped.
5b. Look no one wants a glamour hog. Remember the overweight girl.
Look. I don't want to get into it. Women get all the attention for having eating disorders, but they wouldn't have this problem if they did the same thing with girls as the do with boys. To put them on the football field.
This allows for two great side effects. One, women become confident with their bodies, and ipso facto, men no longer have to pretend that we care. Second. Putting these women will inevitably turn them into lesbians, as it does with the WNBA.
BAM.
No more notties in singles bars.
Send my Nobel Prize to my Stoner Ave. locale. But don't letthe whole rape victim thing sway you.
6. Fill in the blanks -
a. _____ is the new gay.
b. _____ is now as socially innocuous as saying hell on TV.
Fill in the c. _____
Every time you say the word(s) d. _____ Baby jesus cries.
A. Racist; B. Transexual hooking C. chasm. d. I spent 2 hours on Myspace.com last night
7. Would you ever consider these professions. Give an answer of why or why not.
A. Politics.
B. Hitman
C. Hollywood agent.
D. Spooge Monkey.
E. Sexy female lesbian assassin.
A. Why?
B. Why not?
C. Why?
D. Why not?
E. Why not?
8. A.Can you name two Hillary Duff songs.
B. Now can you tell me what the name of Beethovens' Six symphony is referred to as?
C. What does this say about you.
A. Fly, Why not. B. Pastoral or Pastorale or out to pasture. C. I'm a music elitist with intamacy issues.
9. What is your current profession. And would you enjoy it more if it had a super- prefix to it.
Who wouldn't like being super-unemployed.
10. Who would win in a fight between Magaret Thatcher and John Wayne. Answer only with references to American geography.
While Miss Thatcher doesn't have anything below the Maxon-Dixon line, John Wayne has Great Lakes. Thatcher's reach and defense are both like the Mississippi Delta, slowly recdeding and will be hurt by Global warming, disappearing by 2050. What does my mother have to say about this? Don't know, Alaska. (Say it slowly) Jeaneau what? This whole debate is Midwestern plain.
Bonus question.
When did you stop caring about the Hurricane victims.
A. Never did.
B. I, like W, don't care about black people.
C. After I donated a minor amount.
D. I would have given money, but I sent $200 to A Nigerian prince, and am waiting for my big payday to get cash. Then maybe, I'll think about donating.
D.
Make up your answers and send to friends!
Bar-B-Q
2. Have you ever behaved in a self sexual way that could be considered shameful or clinically unhealthy.
Like it's going out of style!
3. Before you go out on Saturday nights, what kind of substansial evidence can you give that 9/11 was not perpetrated by the White House.
Tower 7 collapsed. Which is the writing on the hip new faux-vintage shirt I will be wearing.
4. You have been given 40 million dollars and a beachfront property. If you refuse the gift, you die. If you accept, you must kill one celebrity that you like. If you choose the house and the cash, who would it be.
I would rather kill myself than deprive the world of Bruce Springsteen. That is Bruce 1975. So, lets go with Bono. Love him, but I have a feeling that he'd do better as a marytr than a musican.
5. Have you ever been raped?
Yes. Yes I have been.
5a. Are you answering yes to # 5 to get attention, or is this a cry for attention, like an overweight teen who tries to klll herself by eating 40 flinstones vitamins.
No. I am pretty sure I have been raped.
5b. Look no one wants a glamour hog. Remember the overweight girl.
Look. I don't want to get into it. Women get all the attention for having eating disorders, but they wouldn't have this problem if they did the same thing with girls as the do with boys. To put them on the football field.
This allows for two great side effects. One, women become confident with their bodies, and ipso facto, men no longer have to pretend that we care. Second. Putting these women will inevitably turn them into lesbians, as it does with the WNBA.
BAM.
No more notties in singles bars.
Send my Nobel Prize to my Stoner Ave. locale. But don't letthe whole rape victim thing sway you.
6. Fill in the blanks -
a. _____ is the new gay.
b. _____ is now as socially innocuous as saying hell on TV.
Fill in the c. _____
Every time you say the word(s) d. _____ Baby jesus cries.
A. Racist; B. Transexual hooking C. chasm. d. I spent 2 hours on Myspace.com last night
7. Would you ever consider these professions. Give an answer of why or why not.
A. Politics.
B. Hitman
C. Hollywood agent.
D. Spooge Monkey.
E. Sexy female lesbian assassin.
A. Why?
B. Why not?
C. Why?
D. Why not?
E. Why not?
8. A.Can you name two Hillary Duff songs.
B. Now can you tell me what the name of Beethovens' Six symphony is referred to as?
C. What does this say about you.
A. Fly, Why not. B. Pastoral or Pastorale or out to pasture. C. I'm a music elitist with intamacy issues.
9. What is your current profession. And would you enjoy it more if it had a super- prefix to it.
Who wouldn't like being super-unemployed.
10. Who would win in a fight between Magaret Thatcher and John Wayne. Answer only with references to American geography.
While Miss Thatcher doesn't have anything below the Maxon-Dixon line, John Wayne has Great Lakes. Thatcher's reach and defense are both like the Mississippi Delta, slowly recdeding and will be hurt by Global warming, disappearing by 2050. What does my mother have to say about this? Don't know, Alaska. (Say it slowly) Jeaneau what? This whole debate is Midwestern plain.
Bonus question.
When did you stop caring about the Hurricane victims.
A. Never did.
B. I, like W, don't care about black people.
C. After I donated a minor amount.
D. I would have given money, but I sent $200 to A Nigerian prince, and am waiting for my big payday to get cash. Then maybe, I'll think about donating.
D.
Make up your answers and send to friends!
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