Instead of Star Wars

In my job I, a lot of my job involves taking names of incoming guests. That is my job until the 15th, when I quit.

Oh, man I can’t wait.

Anyway,

One of my favorite memories of this time was when I was helping take in a massive party for some gay fundraiser. (I mean that only half jesting in negative connotation. The odds are it was a gay fundraiser. This is LA.)

We always take down names of incoming guests so that if they get drunk and lose their claim check, we can go by last name instead of watching the guy go through the struggle of “Those are my BMW keys. No those are. No wait, I drove my Benz today, and those are my keys. No. Those are, I’m sure of it.” (This is LA)

Anyway, a guest got out of the car, and I welcomed him and asked for his last name.

He responded: Last name is DiMayo.

I looked at him and said, “please tell me your first name is Holden.”
Take a moment to say it out loud. It took him a bit as well.

He laughed for a good 30 seconds. I laughed the entire night.

Dave’s list of names:

The real ones:

5. Penworth Brewington – just as elegant and needless as they come.

4. Walt Syczmck (pronounced sym-chuck) I asked, would you like to buy a vowel, and then told him I don’t envy your kids and wife.

3. James Diefenderfer. Might be number one if his first name was something like Xochimiltcho. Just a phenomenal surname. I sounds like a German sex act. It probably is their version of the Hot Carl.

2. Brady Bunch. Real name. I can find his photocopied ID if you give me time.

1. Ben Benbo. If only because the guy told me the story of when he suffered a concussion, and when the medics kept asking his name, they couldn’t get it because they thought he was delusional.

“What’s your last name?”

“Benbo”

“What’s your first name”

“Ben”

“So, Ben Bo.”

“NO.”

“What’s your first name?”

etc.


All things considered, if I had my chance, I’d make my handle:

Ken U. Diggit.