Dave spends some time in front of the TV with a computer:
MTV hits:
Watching TRL after Carson Daly is truly terrible. It's like the cubs bullpen, where the star moves on or gets injured and they have the struggle to find a couple sets of arms to fill three innings for 162 days.
And the trial fails miserably.
We now have a Cali style white male; the douche-bag who always wears ties to school, but does so with a faux punk counter like a wrinkled short sleeved collar shirt or is never seen without a polo shirt with the popped collar. Basically, the sober frat guy who still thinks he's cool. Like most of the guys on Laguna Beach.
His high moment: Asking Jessica Alba to teach him to make out on camera. And they say shes not a great actress.
The pacific rim girl of indistinguishable origin who is trying to find a line between peppy and tough. And winds up being that super annoying girl who tries to be the center of attention by being loud and annoying and fails because she has no personality.
And two others who come on from time to time, just suck.
Two videos:
My Humps: Black eyed peas.
When pitching the song, I'm guessing it went like this:
Will.I.Am: ok. I wrote a song I am sure that would be a hit.
Fergie: Am I in it?
The other two: Are we in it?
Will: Yes. And not really. The problem is it's only 80 seconds long.
Producer: instead of writing more, lets just say every line twice, and some three or four times. That will get it to a normal length.
Group: You think that will work?
Producer: Hey, if you can finally sell out with Where is the love, you guys can do anything.
Anyway, so the song is terrible. But it's also somewhat dumb, in the kind of single that is American pop. Which means it could be kind of fun and should have a great, dumb, over the top sexual video.
So, what does BEP do? They go out and make one of the most self serious videos outside of Tony Yayo and incubus.
In a song that should have a video that is winkingly kitch, you think that they would at least smile.
But no, it's clear the BEP's don't know what the hell they are doing.
I mean:
Fergie is dressed like a Jewish princess from 1984. Naturally, that doesn't make her remotely sexy.
And the boys are dressed like immigrants who have learned all of their fashion knowledge from mob films. Like Persians and greeks in America. Or the cast of growing up gotti. They look like three wild and Crazy guys.
-who are sitting on a warehouse of cardboard. they buy it at 16 cents per pound in a ton and sell it for 16 1/2 cents.-
This should have been a first ballot vote for furious masturbation theater.
Instead it's like the Magician's Alliance. Showmen with little talent who "Demand to be taken Seriously"
Second is the new Mariah Carey video.
The last one she was so photoshopped it was painful. She looked like a china doll that belonged in Susan's collection.
Shake it off is a rotten song, but one that is taken from bad to rotten because of J. Dupri, with interjections like "watch this" and "I like that part"
Let the woman sing. It's the same technique that hurts Biggie's work, a high pitched nasal producer who chimes in to make sure the audience doesn't give as much credit where it's due.
But as you guessed, the video only shows Mimi in profile. Her cans keep getting bigger, and she is still on a warpath against men after Tommy Mottola.
Hey, at least she's consistent.
but I am recommending this video, if only for the resurfacing of Chris Tucker. Who has been MIA since Jacko's last video.
In three seconds, he gives 100000%.
On Comedy Central.
Jon Stewart is doing his best to show the ridiculous theater around the Miers nomination. When three of the highest Repubs are ripping her, you have got to be curious.
This is how terrible partisanship has gotten. Seeing that everyone still remembers the Michael Brown fiasco, I am still shocked how people are still sticking by their sides when the result has only one outcome. I mean, she isn't a judge, never has been. Brown wasn't an emergency manager. Never will be. They only knew Bush or someone in his admin.
He got it right with Roberts. And there was normal gamesmanship along party lines. But the show does a excellent expose on the fact that BOTH sides are looking at Bush and going: "Another one of your friends? What have they got on you man?"
But really, Daily show got this dead on,
Like they always do.
The Rock was guest. Raising the question; How bad is Doom going to be. Je-sus.
On to the short takes for a bit.
On HBO with inside the NFL.
First off. I think it's important to know that both my friend in his best man speech and Bob Costas have used the word shennanigans in important situations.
There isn't going to be a bigger bust in the 2005 draft than Pacman Jones. Both Manning and Palmer have absolutely taken him apart. But hopefully he stays around if only because of his nickname and his wonderful reactions after he messes up.
I wish it was Jacksonville who was in the sex scandal instead of the Vikings. If only so we could call them the Shag-uars.
Late night with Adam Corolla
They are showing old commericals. On comes one of the old Kool Aid Commercials.
Adam: "how pissed would you be if you were the Ice rink owner."
They go on: I wish you could do this in real life, just go to a location and yell "kool aid!!!" and wait for the guy to run through wall. "how do you like my new kitchen. It cost $70000."
"KOOL Aid."
*Smashes thru wall*
Back to the MTV channels:
Fall-out boy, Dance, Dance:
Some on needs to shave the sideburns on the singer, as a fan, i know it could only take one loser to make the sideburns uncool. And the guitarist just licked his guitar. this is how gay our American rock and roll is getting. I get closer to pulling an "Airheads on K roq and putting Jonesy on the air, and also allowing me to force everyone to listen to Drive By Truckers. it's not like the audience would change the channel.
And for god's sake. How long until all American Musicians let go of the 80's movies. For rappers, it's scarface. For Rockers and failed boy groups (Fall out boy, Bowling for Soup, BSB, Chemical Romance -side note, Ghost of you, not bad, video and song)it's all about John Hughes films.
Until all of them are on coke and the russians come back to power, this needs to stop.
50 Cent, PIMP:
The video has been on for ages, but now thats its been a while, this may be the best beat in 10 years.
Comedy Central:
Of course South Park is going to nail the hurricane and global warming better than any. I wish I had seen this coming. Just genius. ironically, just as Cartman and Stan are taking a joy ride on the boat, a series of tornados just took out LA on cinemax.
Of all that is wrong in that movie, they did make the smart decision of not showing life in Canada. Can you imagine?
It's snowing, ya?
Ya, sure. Whats the fuss aboot?
It's really snowing hard though.
Should we call the mounties?
Do we still have beer?
Yes.
No on the mounties then.
Anyway...
Just really nailed the whole: it's not important to save the people, we have to place the blame.
On one of the late night channels:
A sorority is threatening to buy a girls childhood home. Important to note, none of the girls in this videoplay are under 30.
To ESPN Classic.
5 reasons you can't blame Steve Bartman.
This is just pure torture that I can't even explain. I still remember my text message to my friend Mikey, the best man who used the name of the restaurant with all the crazy crap on the wall: No, jesus. No.
It kills me to this date.
And the truth is. Bartman isn't the real reason they lost. He's the only goddamned reason. AHHHHH
Important to note I still watch heartbreaking games which ruin my next day's mood continually.
To the NFL Network.
Its game of the week and it's Colts vs Rams.
I have a new highlight of the year.
Manning on the highlight singing lets get it on on the sidelines of the Colts win.
I can't believe it, both of my football teams are undefeated.
And thats good enough to end on so I can go back to porn and MTV.
Watching TRL after Carson Daly is truly terrible. It's like the cubs bullpen, where the star moves on or gets injured and they have the struggle to find a couple sets of arms to fill three innings for 162 days.
And the trial fails miserably.
We now have a Cali style white male; the douche-bag who always wears ties to school, but does so with a faux punk counter like a wrinkled short sleeved collar shirt or is never seen without a polo shirt with the popped collar. Basically, the sober frat guy who still thinks he's cool. Like most of the guys on Laguna Beach.
His high moment: Asking Jessica Alba to teach him to make out on camera. And they say shes not a great actress.
The pacific rim girl of indistinguishable origin who is trying to find a line between peppy and tough. And winds up being that super annoying girl who tries to be the center of attention by being loud and annoying and fails because she has no personality.
And two others who come on from time to time, just suck.
Two videos:
My Humps: Black eyed peas.
When pitching the song, I'm guessing it went like this:
Will.I.Am: ok. I wrote a song I am sure that would be a hit.
Fergie: Am I in it?
The other two: Are we in it?
Will: Yes. And not really. The problem is it's only 80 seconds long.
Producer: instead of writing more, lets just say every line twice, and some three or four times. That will get it to a normal length.
Group: You think that will work?
Producer: Hey, if you can finally sell out with Where is the love, you guys can do anything.
Anyway, so the song is terrible. But it's also somewhat dumb, in the kind of single that is American pop. Which means it could be kind of fun and should have a great, dumb, over the top sexual video.
So, what does BEP do? They go out and make one of the most self serious videos outside of Tony Yayo and incubus.
In a song that should have a video that is winkingly kitch, you think that they would at least smile.
But no, it's clear the BEP's don't know what the hell they are doing.
I mean:
Fergie is dressed like a Jewish princess from 1984. Naturally, that doesn't make her remotely sexy.
And the boys are dressed like immigrants who have learned all of their fashion knowledge from mob films. Like Persians and greeks in America. Or the cast of growing up gotti. They look like three wild and Crazy guys.
-who are sitting on a warehouse of cardboard. they buy it at 16 cents per pound in a ton and sell it for 16 1/2 cents.-
This should have been a first ballot vote for furious masturbation theater.
Instead it's like the Magician's Alliance. Showmen with little talent who "Demand to be taken Seriously"
Second is the new Mariah Carey video.
The last one she was so photoshopped it was painful. She looked like a china doll that belonged in Susan's collection.
Shake it off is a rotten song, but one that is taken from bad to rotten because of J. Dupri, with interjections like "watch this" and "I like that part"
Let the woman sing. It's the same technique that hurts Biggie's work, a high pitched nasal producer who chimes in to make sure the audience doesn't give as much credit where it's due.
But as you guessed, the video only shows Mimi in profile. Her cans keep getting bigger, and she is still on a warpath against men after Tommy Mottola.
Hey, at least she's consistent.
but I am recommending this video, if only for the resurfacing of Chris Tucker. Who has been MIA since Jacko's last video.
In three seconds, he gives 100000%.
On Comedy Central.
Jon Stewart is doing his best to show the ridiculous theater around the Miers nomination. When three of the highest Repubs are ripping her, you have got to be curious.
This is how terrible partisanship has gotten. Seeing that everyone still remembers the Michael Brown fiasco, I am still shocked how people are still sticking by their sides when the result has only one outcome. I mean, she isn't a judge, never has been. Brown wasn't an emergency manager. Never will be. They only knew Bush or someone in his admin.
He got it right with Roberts. And there was normal gamesmanship along party lines. But the show does a excellent expose on the fact that BOTH sides are looking at Bush and going: "Another one of your friends? What have they got on you man?"
But really, Daily show got this dead on,
Like they always do.
The Rock was guest. Raising the question; How bad is Doom going to be. Je-sus.
On to the short takes for a bit.
On HBO with inside the NFL.
First off. I think it's important to know that both my friend in his best man speech and Bob Costas have used the word shennanigans in important situations.
There isn't going to be a bigger bust in the 2005 draft than Pacman Jones. Both Manning and Palmer have absolutely taken him apart. But hopefully he stays around if only because of his nickname and his wonderful reactions after he messes up.
I wish it was Jacksonville who was in the sex scandal instead of the Vikings. If only so we could call them the Shag-uars.
Late night with Adam Corolla
They are showing old commericals. On comes one of the old Kool Aid Commercials.
Adam: "how pissed would you be if you were the Ice rink owner."
They go on: I wish you could do this in real life, just go to a location and yell "kool aid!!!" and wait for the guy to run through wall. "how do you like my new kitchen. It cost $70000."
"KOOL Aid."
*Smashes thru wall*
Back to the MTV channels:
Fall-out boy, Dance, Dance:
Some on needs to shave the sideburns on the singer, as a fan, i know it could only take one loser to make the sideburns uncool. And the guitarist just licked his guitar. this is how gay our American rock and roll is getting. I get closer to pulling an "Airheads on K roq and putting Jonesy on the air, and also allowing me to force everyone to listen to Drive By Truckers. it's not like the audience would change the channel.
And for god's sake. How long until all American Musicians let go of the 80's movies. For rappers, it's scarface. For Rockers and failed boy groups (Fall out boy, Bowling for Soup, BSB, Chemical Romance -side note, Ghost of you, not bad, video and song)it's all about John Hughes films.
Until all of them are on coke and the russians come back to power, this needs to stop.
50 Cent, PIMP:
The video has been on for ages, but now thats its been a while, this may be the best beat in 10 years.
Comedy Central:
Of course South Park is going to nail the hurricane and global warming better than any. I wish I had seen this coming. Just genius. ironically, just as Cartman and Stan are taking a joy ride on the boat, a series of tornados just took out LA on cinemax.
Of all that is wrong in that movie, they did make the smart decision of not showing life in Canada. Can you imagine?
It's snowing, ya?
Ya, sure. Whats the fuss aboot?
It's really snowing hard though.
Should we call the mounties?
Do we still have beer?
Yes.
No on the mounties then.
Anyway...
Just really nailed the whole: it's not important to save the people, we have to place the blame.
On one of the late night channels:
A sorority is threatening to buy a girls childhood home. Important to note, none of the girls in this videoplay are under 30.
To ESPN Classic.
5 reasons you can't blame Steve Bartman.
This is just pure torture that I can't even explain. I still remember my text message to my friend Mikey, the best man who used the name of the restaurant with all the crazy crap on the wall: No, jesus. No.
It kills me to this date.
And the truth is. Bartman isn't the real reason they lost. He's the only goddamned reason. AHHHHH
Important to note I still watch heartbreaking games which ruin my next day's mood continually.
To the NFL Network.
Its game of the week and it's Colts vs Rams.
I have a new highlight of the year.
Manning on the highlight singing lets get it on on the sidelines of the Colts win.
I can't believe it, both of my football teams are undefeated.
And thats good enough to end on so I can go back to porn and MTV.
posted by Indiana at
2:47 AM
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