Dave's post college mix tape!!!

After reading a truly despicable playlist for a college party:

http://www.pointsincase.com/columns/simonne/2-8-04.htm

I decided that I might create one for those years after college.

I even got the author to put her own comments on it

Women without Whisky – Drive By Truckers

DT:
If I make it through this year, I think I'm gonna put this bottle down
Maybe as time goes on I'll learn to miss it less than I do now
Think I'm gonna tell her that I'm gonna go away for a while
Till I can get this demon out

Alcoholism is only fun in college. After that, it will hold you back from the women you have to settle with.

Simmone C. (SC) it’s all about trying to think of what decisions you are going to make in your life, and how sometimes you have to decide between partying and dating. Well it doesn’t matter the party’s not going to get busy for a bit and we can skip over it the second time we play the CD.

The Long and Winding Road – Beatles

DT: Because you are going to fail and wind up with that person you thought you could do better than after college only to find that you don’t make enough money to attract any good people and you find yourself (a la George to Susan) proposing to someone at their doorway.

SC: This one is a classic, and I can’t think of anyone who won’t know it. Oh it’s so tender.

Dancing with myself – Jennifer Love Hewitt, not Billy Idol

DT: Because you will be alone far too much and even if you are happily in a relationship, you will realize that it’s not the same feeling you used to get, like with the Billy Idol. Billy Idol is college, then you get the crap remake.

SC: Is it about masturbation or is it about being happy and going nuts? It’s a mystery and that’s why everyone still keeps listening. And until you have heard the “Ghost Whisperer” sing her version, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

Prostitutes – Chef

DT: A prostitute is someone who will love you no matter who you are or what you look like
No that’s not why you pay for a prostitute, you’re not paying a prostitute to come you’re paying her to leave afterwards.

Because you are going to be on one side of this equation at one point in your life, because after college, sex isn’t free like it used to be

SC: Get with the times, South Park is awesome. Let the CD reach it’s midpoint with style! I mean even if it’s only 45 seconds it’s a funny song and people need to laugh.

In the wee small hours of the morning – Sinatra

DT: Get ready to cry a lot. Thru divorces, through traumatic breakups, and even after the one week affairs you hoped would change into something meaningful.

SC: All mix tapes need one cool down, more romantic song to make sure everyone can talk to each other. This one sets the mood and then the lull gets you ready for the big second half.

Wouldn’t it be nice – Beach Boys

DT: A classic song about being able to tear off the shackles of having parents so that you can spend that one special night with your girl. It makes people not only nostalgic for college, but the double whammy of missing high school as well.

SC: This one not only warms up the party again without going full on back to rock or hip hop. It’s an American classic, and you need a love song to recover from a sad song.

I will Dare – The Replacements

DT: A song that’s all about admitting your shame in perving out on little girls, and hoping that they will join you if they go along with you in the dare. The song starts out, “How young are you, How old am I.” beside that, it reminds you that you can’t sleep with the girls in the mall that are no looking even hotter since Paris became a national figure.

SC: I had actually… never heard of this song or this group. It totally rocks, and I bet it’s about picking up girls. We’ll need that for all of those lonely folks out there. The guys will maybe act on it and maybe the gals will be more receptive.

My Name is Jonas / Buddy Holly / El Scorcho – Weezer

DT: Pick one. It may stir up the debate of whether Pinkerton is one of the most under-appreciated albums you have ever heard. Then you realize that after 22, Weezer sounds like a bunch of D-bags, and that this band prevented you from scoring with decent women.

SC: All are college classics. This one will take them back! They are heavy, but not too heavy. I don’t know anyone at college that doesn’t like Weezer!

Love Will Tear us Apart – Joy Division

DT: One of the 10 best singles of the last 25 years. Just a great testament to how relationships fail when you care about the person. The irony of this one hits like an anvil to anyone who knows anything about real relationships.

OMG! You haven’t heard this song before. You ever heard of Interpol? This band was like Interpol before Interpol. Yeah, it’s cool isn’t it, it rocks and it’s dark but it’s not like the music the art kids used to play at their parties. And if you have any former Art students, they will appreciate it as they fill your drink.

Black Star – Radiohead

DT: This is all about finding your girl at home in her sexy clothes when you come home early from work, and figuring out someone else is there with her. You try and get over it, but you can’t and you are somewhat relieved because you knew she wasn’t the one, but at the same time, it hurts and you’ll blame it one something other than your fault.

SC: Like I had a boyfriend Freshman year who used to love this band. I never got it, but whatevs. I cheated on him and then we broke up. Not bad though.

Powerless – Nelly Furtado

DT: I always liked her, she was the smarter version of every pop girl you didn’t want to admit that you liked. You would sleep with Britney, you would marry Nelly. It’s a song about finally realizing that you can’t live like an idiot kid anymore and you should start thinking about the family you have likely started by not having the girl on the pill.

SC: Finally a female musician again. Did you know she’s like multi-national or something. Oh man, this one keeps you pumped and makes you realize that there is other music out there. Your friends will thank you for this.

Tiny Dancer – Elton John

DT: Well, this one will give you time to go get a drink. It may also show you are sensitive. But when you play it alone it will likely remind you of Almost Famous and you realize that you should have started playing guitar or some other instrument in high school so you could get chicks later on.

SC: OOOOOHHH. Aww this is such a sweet song. It always reminds me of Almost Famous. Maybe if you are lucky everyone will sing together. OMG that would be soooo awesome!

Party Hard – Andrew WK

DT: This song will help to get you in the mood, because you are going to have to get shitfaced to enjoy parties like you used to, and if you haven’t noticed you can’t get drunk off a six pack anymore. Get drinking…fast.

SC: OMG, I totally rush to the bar for this song. Lets PARTY. CARPE DIEM!!!!

Roxanne – Police

DT: This will clear the party out so you can go to bars and get the hell away from these people you sadly have to admit are now your friends. You won’t have any luck there, but there’s hope.

SC: Alright, the CD’s about to end. I tell you what, I’ll drink every time he says Roxanne and you drink every time put on the red light is sung.

SC: WHOO PARTY!!!!

DT: What am I doin’? I miss Carol.(sighs)

(continued...)

Top five shows I would pay to watch that aren't on TV

So I am here watching Thanksgiving marathon TV. One of the highlights has been table tennis.

Now for the shows Dave wants.

Just off the list:

Darts. It's already showing already every blue moon on Fox sports International. But really, its the most compelling moment to moment sport. Between the camera angles (perfectly capturing the moment of impact with a glory that parallels NFL films) and the announcers who are so bloody into it that they make the most simple of sports extremely exciting (like darts, for example).


Lookwell.

Adam West plays a former Tv star who used to be a cop who now becomes a cop. Written by Conan and Robert Smigel (of Triumph the Dog fame)

The best pilot never picked up.

http://imdb.com/title/tt0196712/combined

Playmates/ non-nude models vs. Female pop star twister.

Hey this is my blog and my dream.

Now for the top five.

5. Animal vs. Animal.

Just constant footage of specific animals battling each other. Dog vs. cats. Mongoose vs. Pythons. Alligators vs. Hippos. And no this has nothing to do with my current Animal Planet fix.

4. D list actor dating reality show.

Reality only because the actor doesn't know the joke is on them. Can you thing of anything more perversely comical than watching Corey Feldman struggle to get chicks at bars, trying to get them to remember the movies and TV shows he was in. Then the bitter time when he fails would be unreal.

3. Coked up movie reviews from the 70's version of every major media critic.

Ebert: You know... You know what I loved about this movie. It was the fucking brilliance, the fucking goddammed brilliance of Brad Pitt eating. He does it in every scene and it really...

Maltin: Wait. You know what was even better was the fucking twists and turns did you even see that coming.

Roeper: Wait. Man Don Cheadle was the fucking man. For those of you who don't know that's not Don Cheadle's real accent.

Maltin: See this is why these people don't get it. I mean, this guy has been around for 10 years and he's always been brilliant yet know one knows him.

Ebert: they wouldn't know Cheadle if he walked up to him in shirt that said "I'm Don"

Maltin: "Fucking Cheadle." you know what the thing is. People only want to care about the people in People.

Roeper: So our review for Chicken Little is three thumbs down.

Maltin: but you're going to go see it anyway. Fucking breeders.

Ebert: This is why the cinema sucks, you people keep shitting out kids. Watch Arrested Development you assholes.

2. Commercial hour. followed by the footage of building being imploded.

Just a solid hour of old commercials. From the old hard alcohol adds in the 70's before they stopped, then Hallmark adds, then commercials for toy's from the 80's.

Imagine if we had Mask or Transformers adds. And every one could relish the joys of the My Buddy and Kid Sister adds.

"My buddy.
My Buddy.
My Buddy and me."

1. Beer Pong pro leagues.

Beriut with Hoosier rules.

Set on a table at One Dorwart height.

Live ball after the second bounce.

No match shot.

Make it take it.

1 batch of 6 cups with 2 beers each for each player.

No paddle, two ping bong balls.

Blowouts allowed.

Recalibration at 6 cups.

All episodes must open to St. Elmo's fire.

162 match season with 8 playoff teams.

in short, Dave's college dream.

(continued...)

Sometimes I Rhyme Slow, Sometimes...

Not that big of a deal...

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Link

Dave makes a survey for you, and even gives his own answers.

1. Given the choice between losing your genitals to a rabid animal having a threeway with two past winners of American Idol, what flavor of lube do you bring to accomodate Ruben Studdard.

Bar-B-Q
2. Have you ever behaved in a self sexual way that could be considered shameful or clinically unhealthy.

Like it's going out of style!

3. Before you go out on Saturday nights, what kind of substansial evidence can you give that 9/11 was not perpetrated by the White House.

Tower 7 collapsed. Which is the writing on the hip new faux-vintage shirt I will be wearing.

4. You have been given 40 million dollars and a beachfront property. If you refuse the gift, you die. If you accept, you must kill one celebrity that you like. If you choose the house and the cash, who would it be.

I would rather kill myself than deprive the world of Bruce Springsteen. That is Bruce 1975. So, lets go with Bono. Love him, but I have a feeling that he'd do better as a marytr than a musican.

5. Have you ever been raped?

Yes. Yes I have been.

5a. Are you answering yes to # 5 to get attention, or is this a cry for attention, like an overweight teen who tries to klll herself by eating 40 flinstones vitamins.

No. I am pretty sure I have been raped.

5b. Look no one wants a glamour hog. Remember the overweight girl.

Look. I don't want to get into it. Women get all the attention for having eating disorders, but they wouldn't have this problem if they did the same thing with girls as the do with boys. To put them on the football field.

This allows for two great side effects. One, women become confident with their bodies, and ipso facto, men no longer have to pretend that we care. Second. Putting these women will inevitably turn them into lesbians, as it does with the WNBA.

BAM.

No more notties in singles bars.

Send my Nobel Prize to my Stoner Ave. locale. But don't letthe whole rape victim thing sway you.

6. Fill in the blanks -

a. _____ is the new gay.

b. _____ is now as socially innocuous as saying hell on TV.

Fill in the c. _____

Every time you say the word(s) d. _____ Baby jesus cries.

A. Racist; B. Transexual hooking C. chasm. d. I spent 2 hours on Myspace.com last night

7. Would you ever consider these professions. Give an answer of why or why not.

A. Politics.

B. Hitman

C. Hollywood agent.

D. Spooge Monkey.

E. Sexy female lesbian assassin.

A. Why?
B. Why not?
C. Why?
D. Why not?
E. Why not?

8. A.Can you name two Hillary Duff songs.
B. Now can you tell me what the name of Beethovens' Six symphony is referred to as?
C. What does this say about you.

A. Fly, Why not. B. Pastoral or Pastorale or out to pasture. C. I'm a music elitist with intamacy issues.

9. What is your current profession. And would you enjoy it more if it had a super- prefix to it.

Who wouldn't like being super-unemployed.

10. Who would win in a fight between Magaret Thatcher and John Wayne. Answer only with references to American geography.

While Miss Thatcher doesn't have anything below the Maxon-Dixon line, John Wayne has Great Lakes. Thatcher's reach and defense are both like the Mississippi Delta, slowly recdeding and will be hurt by Global warming, disappearing by 2050. What does my mother have to say about this? Don't know, Alaska. (Say it slowly) Jeaneau what? This whole debate is Midwestern plain.

Bonus question.

When did you stop caring about the Hurricane victims.

A. Never did.
B. I, like W, don't care about black people.
C. After I donated a minor amount.
D. I would have given money, but I sent $200 to A Nigerian prince, and am waiting for my big payday to get cash. Then maybe, I'll think about donating.

D.

Make up your answers and send to friends!

(continued...)

Dave does some fake news

After hearing about the two Jacksonville Cheerleaders having sex in a public bathroom, the WNBA has collapsed as all of the players are now joining the Jaguar Cheer Squad.

Asked upon the impetus of their latest video Backstreet Boys answered, “We wanted to show that at least 5 men have gone to one of our concerts. Or at least 4 straight men. Ahem, three straight men.”

Conan O’Brien challenges Jon Stewart to a public fight to see who gets the right to interview hot actresses with the “Make fun of myself and guffaw technique, secretly hoping they will sleep with me.” O’Brien to let Stewart keep the actual “good interview skills.”

Chuck Klosterman to fight anyone to the death who argues that watching soccer is more interesting than reading his latest book. The current line begins in London at the private club for the Manchester United supporters. Vinnie Jones first in line.

Paul McCartney to change the recording order of the Beatles catalogue. All titles are now to read, McCartney/Sir Paul McCartney/George Harrison/ and Mark David Chapman’s greatest work. The catalogue will now also include songs from his later works, including Flaming Pie, “Silly Love Songs,” and the post 9-11 clusterfuck, Freedom. His response: “Look I just wanted to give more respect where it was due.” When asked about Ringo, Paul looked puzzled and asked, “Who?”

Still bitter about Tommy Mottola, Mariah Implores Destiny’s Child to amp up their campaign against men.

Christian Right vows to protest Lost unless it is revealed to truly be a Christ Parable.

Family Guy Seth McFarlane vows to make an episode comprising of only one joke, repeated over and over for 22 minutes. Also promises to finally get around to getting that joke about Glitter into a show. “It’s hysterical, and no one has covered it before.” He was then carried off into the sunset by high school stoners and college dropouts.

Upon receiving a $100 million grant to cover tuition, Yale students to promise to strive for a C average and run for office in 20 years.

Scheduled to come in for a checkup with her OBGYN, Christina Aguilera decided to just send a copy of her “Dirr-ty” video.

Internet reviewers proclaim “Boondocks” the funniest Japanimation of all time.

T.O. apologizes to the media and the Eagles about his suspension, “I am deeply sorry for my actions. If I am given a chance to come back to the team, I hope to prove, against my personal belief, that Rush Limbaugh was only half right about McNabb.”

Feminists still trying to decide whether to yell at the inappropriate dress of 14-17 year old girls, or to wait ‘til they are 18.

Bush admits that he modeled his Presidency after LBJ’s, but spiced it up with a little bit of Nixon’s 2nd term, in his attempt to be a Uniter and not a divider.

Britney Spears to call her new tour: “Get me the hell away from this bearded rapper, and come love me again.” Straight 2008.

New Mexican Government immigration now not only guide it’s citizens across the border safely, but leads them to the nearest Home Depot parking lot.

The British Throne promises to send attractive representatives to America next time. Admit the confusion about Camilla could have been avoided if they decided against the Kennel.

American radio masses promise to keep listening to every cover of any 80’s song ever made. In a related story, Vh1’s stock increases 10 fold in 3 days.

50 Cent promises the sequel to “Get rich or die trying” to be all about the problems of living on no less than 50 million a year.

American white male rockers promise to continue the trend of making music gayer and more effeminate until they can finally get rid of instruments. Fall Out Boy first in line.

Jewish masses worried that there is not a Holocaust movie on the horizon for winter release.

And that’s about everyone.

(continued...)

Instead of Star Wars

In my job I, a lot of my job involves taking names of incoming guests. That is my job until the 15th, when I quit.

Oh, man I can’t wait.

Anyway,

One of my favorite memories of this time was when I was helping take in a massive party for some gay fundraiser. (I mean that only half jesting in negative connotation. The odds are it was a gay fundraiser. This is LA.)

We always take down names of incoming guests so that if they get drunk and lose their claim check, we can go by last name instead of watching the guy go through the struggle of “Those are my BMW keys. No those are. No wait, I drove my Benz today, and those are my keys. No. Those are, I’m sure of it.” (This is LA)

Anyway, a guest got out of the car, and I welcomed him and asked for his last name.

He responded: Last name is DiMayo.

I looked at him and said, “please tell me your first name is Holden.”
Take a moment to say it out loud. It took him a bit as well.

He laughed for a good 30 seconds. I laughed the entire night.

Dave’s list of names:

The real ones:

5. Penworth Brewington – just as elegant and needless as they come.

4. Walt Syczmck (pronounced sym-chuck) I asked, would you like to buy a vowel, and then told him I don’t envy your kids and wife.

3. James Diefenderfer. Might be number one if his first name was something like Xochimiltcho. Just a phenomenal surname. I sounds like a German sex act. It probably is their version of the Hot Carl.

2. Brady Bunch. Real name. I can find his photocopied ID if you give me time.

1. Ben Benbo. If only because the guy told me the story of when he suffered a concussion, and when the medics kept asking his name, they couldn’t get it because they thought he was delusional.

“What’s your last name?”

“Benbo”

“What’s your first name”

“Ben”

“So, Ben Bo.”

“NO.”

“What’s your first name?”

etc.


All things considered, if I had my chance, I’d make my handle:

Ken U. Diggit.

(continued...)

One of those things...

I have written before that I spend far more time reading about the NFL and playing madden more than I do actually watching it, or doing fantasy. (which I haven't done yet, thank humanity).

So tommorow will come a giant post about Star Wars and episode 3, but in that notion of doing the big thing, I'll post this quote by Colts LB Gary Brackett. There is and article from the latest ESPN mag that is all about the man, who pretty much had everything bad happen to him. This is a quote from the interview that preceded the profile.

This kind of ties in with my Calvin and Hobbes article, which means I loved it for what it brings up in terms of emotion.

"When I was younger, a coach asked a team I was on, 'Have any of you ever been run over by an elephant or struck by lightning?' No one raised their hand. Then he asked us, 'Has anyone been stung by a bee?' And we all raised our hands. 'See,' he said, 'life is all about the little things.' Everyone worries about the big things, but life is about the little things. It's not about the Super Bowl but all the tiny little things you do in the process of trying to win that Super Bowl.

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Link

Best of the week and a poem for All Hallows Eve

Best Quote (on TV): We Brits were into caring for Africa way before you guys. You were too busy stuffing your faces. Graham Norton I love the 80’s 3d.

Best quote (in person): The people who made OJ blacker? Donnell in response to who is in the Photoshop hall of fame.

Best TV episode: “Margarine” – South Park. Another entry for the canon; it has two way over the top plots, with one being grounded in boys vs. girls playtime routines (overtly dressed in action movie Bruckheimer mode); t’other being nonsensically (coming from Butters parents, natch) rooted in horror movie lore. Both were perfectly done and complemented each other for viewing joy.

If it didn’t come out of the NFC North (the D-III division mistakably put in the NFL due to an oversight), the Lions vs. the Bears might have been game of the week. But lets go instead with no selection.

And now:

The Ballad of Zombie Earl

An original poem by David Turner.

Earl was a no good husband
Put six feet under by his oft beaten wife.
She and her gal made a scheme grand,
To put an end to his malicious strife.

The girls plan went off without a hitch.
His wife was safe, and her life was fresh.
But Earl was resurrected by his mom, a gypsy witch,
And rebirth caused him to hunger for flesh.

The first victim was a local Smokey,
The cop who failed to prosecute, as his duty.
An though Earl’s speed at best was pokey,
His mistake was stopping for donuts, with filling fruity.

Next was a girl of the night,
Who made her office in bed.
Yet, a full life had a chance, she might,
If she had gone all the way and given Earl… you know.

Justified was his death, and Earl understood.
Beating your wife is no noble deed.
Living as great man was something he never could,
But due to his cheating wife, it hurt when he peed.

Zombie organs are funny things, few know.
Instead of dying slowly, with feeding they grow.
The skin never ceases to make people cower,
But so would yours if you never could shower.

Next to fall were the town’s Priest and only nun.
Only one of them (the father) was meant to die.
Earl knew the Father forgave his wife, and fate was done.
Sister Mary kept her hat on, and thus: couldn’t fly.

Last on the list were his wife and her friend.
His blood lust had fueled him with false power,
Even after the two’s gruesome eventually end,
Earl would never know that the flesh would taste sour.

Yet, when he finally arrived at the house,
He was met with an unexpected shock!
She had gotten wise to the arrival of her undead spouse.
Worse, Earl wanted a brew, but the fridge had a lock.

Earl’s wife had gone to hide the Dixie Chicks
Her friend had split to Zombie-free Illinois
The group made her tale a song beloved by Hicks
A song that had fans with gals, and with a few boys.

The country super group had an ace up their skirts
They dealt with the religious right and knew how to kill
Both people have drive; one must hit 'em where it hurts
Admire, becuase a head shot on a lunging Zombie takes skill.

Natalie, Emily, and Martie came upon the world in 1998.
To us they were simply a group, good but not great.
Yet, the country stuff was only a cover, a face, a ruse.
They were all daughters of Van Helsing, immortal and effuse.

When they claimed they hated Being from Texas like Bush
They knew no one would ever suspect a goal so torn:
Out to rock at night and by day to make a pivotal push,
To out the nature of our President, a man Zombie Born.

Bush knew, yet knew few would believe his hunger for Brains.
Yet unlike most zombies, W did not just lust for that in the soil,
He hid his cover in economics and capital gains,
Deep down, he loved to cap a body feast with a glass of crude oil.

Zombie Earl moved on his quest and crossed in to Texas.
Because he hated the airport, he didn’t come by plane
To quote Steve Miller, he came to figure out what the facts was
And kill the women who had made a fun song bearing his name.

He arrived at Natalie’s house, only to find a trap.
They rigged the door to his arrival, to hurt him with sound
Knowing that all zombies hate Jewish rap,
Stereos blasted MC Mack Mitzvah, and Earl writhed on the ground.

At the end of the second verse containing the virtues of Moses
The stereo stopped, and the hunt was set in motion
This was due to the corruption of Enron, one supposes
The latter action caused the Zombie Pres back across the ocean

His trip to Transylvania had been cut short, and he was furious.
Dracula was just about to join the Board of the EU and NATO
While most of Europe would have certainly found this curious
It would render the Euro as valuable as OJ’s friend, Cato.

If Zombie Earl succeeded, Texas would be a land of the dead.
Zombies are like people; in single, they are easily terminated
But if they ever get hold of a state, there is no instead
The mass must be stopped, and a state must be exterminated.

Here that our hero arose. To up North, a bulletin was sent
The messenger arrived and was delivered to a van
Our hero was still poor, and could not afford rent,
Understandable, of course, when you are the Wolfman.

The Wolfman used to moonlight (forgive the pun)
On California radio as a DJ who would howl
Jack loved the job, and had endless fun.
But his identity was out after he ate a young girl out on a prowl.

Soon Bush arrived to put an end to the battle.
What he did not expect was the reaction of his team,
They knew above that the boss’s secret you do not tattle,
As he turned to his zombie form, they could only scream.

The Wolfman moved South and he phoned ahead,
The situation had moved from pressing to dire
Earl had eaten a Junior College and made them undead
The Dixie Chicks, sadly, were now out of shells to fire.

Natalie hung up the cell, the call had been cut short
Earl his army burst into the house with full gall,
All left for the gals was to retreat and hide in their fort
Power out, he stereo dead, the zombies let out their call:
Death to the living, the power of life is to be taken from all
You’ll burn in hell shouted the Chicks, Earl laughed for retort.

Zombies formed around the treehouse fort, to turn the Chicks to mush.
They began piling so they could reach the treehouse entry.
When what should appear from the sky, but Air Force One and G W Bush.
But poor W had not foreseen Wolfman Jack, humanity’s last sentry.

Jack howled to the moon with power that shook the ground
While the Zombies finally had their great leader return,
The answer for good and right had finally come around.
Jack spoke: “forget shooting them, let the bastards burn!!!”

Wolfman Jack jumped to the house in the tree.
First, he grabbed Earl’s ex-wife, and then the Dixies three.
They jumped to the roof, the chicks begged to flee.
Wolfman Jack had no intention as such.
Out came a flamethrower that could be deemed way too much.
“You four can leave, I am going to burn these monsters; with glee.”

The power returned, and the speakers awoke.
Jack turned on his weapon and put his flame to the ground,
They writhed in pain from both flame and when MC Moses deluxe spoke,
Between Jewish rap and the burning undead, it's an awful sound.

Last of the Zombies Alive was our chief, elected number 43.
Wolfman Jack spoke to him, “I am letting you free.”
Bush spoke, “Why spare me, I do not know what to think”
Jack replied, “I will let you live, if you agree to once again drink.
Long have we suffered from a dry drunk in office, you must return
The booze you gave up lead you to Born Again, preventing you to think,
If you do not choose to give up booze, you will burn!
You will remove your love of the oil of some Islamic state
Continue to thrive on it, the lone result is hate.
Freedom and love, you have called it all pink,
Love and peace are communism not, but about what we earn!
Come on Chicks. Come on wife of Earl. Leave this not to spurn
Hunger only has one effect, for humanity to yearn!”

Many didn’t want a lesson, though they understood.
Life is complicated and this is such that we weep.
From any survival in life in the suburbs or the hood,
Quality is about one’s morals, not the company we keep.

Bush re-boarded his plane, his identity was spoiled,
The chicks returned to recording, and Earl’s wife went back,
The good will wait, and builds it’s wrath coiled,
God Bless America saved by a man named Wolfman Jack.

(continued...)