Mash Ya Face!

Okay... I played myself. I was into mashups for a minute... maybe a long minute. I had like thousands of them - some well done, some sounded like a kid was holding a tape recorder to the radio to make the jam. They were hot for a second though... but that second was in like, 2001! By the time Danger Mouse hit, the shit was already played out, and the nyc trendy kids were already sporting their lil sister's jeans to idiotrock concerts and snorting rails of kosher sheep's blood by the time Pat O'Brien and Barbara Walters were telling your moms and dads about some crazy disc jockey named danger mouse who plays one record over another to create a whole new sound! Whoooa!

So the kid mashed the Grey Album and it wasn't garabge... "even better than the original!" Sean dot Carter is a faggot ass MC and kicking his record up a click is like squirting apricot jelly in a chick's asshole - yeah, it tastes a lil less like shit. i've got a dozen BLACK album mashups

• The Brown Album - Old skool hip hop
  
• The Blue Album - Blue Note jazz
  
• Black On Black - Metallica's Black
  
• The Zen Album - Ninjatunes beats
  
• The Gold Album - SDK's movie scores

etceteras etceteras... Some of them were hot but the Grey Album got mad dap because the shit was quaint - Soccer moms and Baby boomers could feel hip for a minute because they remember when The Beatles were making their panties wet back in the day so this shit was even more hardcore to them than buying those little black panties at Victoria Secret in the mall and getting all BDS&M on date night when the kids are away at camp. The shit's like an urban safari - I've seen it happen! "Hey Martha! I read an article in the Wall Street Journal that says black people will listen to two cds at the same time! Crazy, I tell ya! I was skeptical, but the download of the week on my AOL Portal Page was some Jazz Mouse or Z Cavaricci or something. It was wild! We had a good chuckle at the office over it!"

The shit's a joke - it's like RIZE! A rich, white, gay new yorker who got fame blowing Andy Warhol takes a break from directing 13 year olds in music videos to take on the plight of black gangs in comtpon, california?! What THE FUCK!? There are like seven motherfucking people in this state that krump, but homeboy puts out this video and kids in like Nebraska think see these MTV colours and broadway costumes and shit and think they're gonna come down to Watts and shit looks like Wally World or something! Like you're gonna roll down Avalon & 103rd Street and some big black clown is gonna be standing there, cooning for you, waiving you onto the block! The shit's a trip because some tiny lil thing that's happening somewhere blows up on the cover or TIME or something and people take it as gospel Trends are always invented i guess, but my damage with this shit is that they take someone like 3000 miles from the eye of the storm and make him like the godfather of hip hop...

Back to Mash ups! They suck... all of them suck. You rip out the chorus of a song, rip out the four bar hook that everyone knows, drop on some MTV2 acapella you downloaded and the shit's done. It's primary read - it's like a Greg Crewdson photo! Or some Bill VIola bullshit video - "Yo I taped this shit in slow motion, the shit's like art! Give me a fellowship!" or "Hey! So i got some C-List tv show stars to stand on a movie set - they dropped some science on my "art" in Entertainment Weekly, so my shit's on lock!" Kids have no creativity in them - they don't make new shit, they just drop old shit on a trucker hat and call it fly. Homocide @ 160kbps! It's like trendy x trendy! The shit's about as street as Sarah Jessica Parker. Qbert, Logic, Radar, Swift, Rhett - they make music with a turntable - they are artists. Some kid who plays some classic rock jam on top of BLACK(face) EYED PEAS or whatevs are not Marcel Duchamp - they're clowns... Maybe David LaChapelle can make a movie about them.