Let’s attack pop culture.
So with my anger out of the way:
Movies:
The Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor Award for the Worst film idea of the year (tie):
Remaking “Yours, Mine, and Ours” and making a sequel to Cheaper By the Dozen.
If there were shootings following Get Rich or Die Tryin’ how come people men are keeping women off the pill.
The Ja Rule singer that shouldn’t be in movies award:
The easy winner here would be 50, but he was playing himself. That he struggled is one thing, but it’s still second to this years winner: Usher.
Namely for playing a straight male.
The Katie Holmes in The Gift award for a normally clothed actress who suddenly shows breasts to the audiences complete surprise:
Carla Gugino in “Sin City”
The Bruce Dickenson, yes the Bruce Dickenson award for best Christopher Walken moment:
Him coming in one Vince Vaughn hog tied to the bed In Wedding Crashers.
The Hunt For Red October Award for movie I am probably going to watch the most when it comes to cable.
Comedies usually win this, but because of the terrible third act and the fact that you rarely stumble on to movies that are 45 minutes in on cable, the award goes to Sin City over Wedding Crashers and 40 Year Old Virgin.
Speaking of:
The Hook, good god get me an editor for this film:
Wedding Crashers.
The South Park already did it award:
Since The Ringer actually was allegedly in development before the South Park episode ever aired, lets go back to season two, when at the film fest Cartman deemed all indie films a “Bunch of Gay Cowboys eating pudding.”
Cowboy #1: Well I’ve finished my pudding, what should we do?
Cowboy #2: Let’s experiment with our sexuality.
Now I haven’t seen Brokeback Mountain, but I am sure it’s almost exactly like that.
The Dune, you know what, this book is just inadaptable award:
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I mean, what the hell happened. What the hell was with the gorgons looking closer to senior citizens than aliens thing? And the dolphins song. It looked like we might get a good movie with the trailer, but nope.
The maybe the whole thing wasn’t so good after all award:
The receipts for Serenity might make this point with Firefly. Just some pretty uninspired storytelling.
On the other hand we get the:
The Incredibles I can’t believe how good the storytelling in this film.
Batman Begins. Few movies ever have done exposition this well, it’s another thing for a comic book movie to do this and include the origin story as well. And now we have a clear cut winner for the best comic book movie ever made.
The Remington Steele/ James Bond Award.
When Remington Steele was on the air and Roger Daltry stepped down from the Bond franchise, they found their replacement in Pierce Brosnan. But this was in the mid 80’s when Remington Steele was still on the air. The word got out and the network used this knowledge to get bigger ratings and trap Brosnan to the show and not to the Bond throne. The show struggled and then failed. But there was thing where Brosnan and the show became completely compelling because you knew that Brosnan suddenly was able to utter the words, “Bond, James Bond” and woo everyone in the room, woman and man. Before you didn’t buy him completely, because he didn’t have that swagger. Why I think Brosnan is as good as Connery is because he lived as Bond for close to a decade before doing GoldenEye. He knew who Bond was as good as any because he was given that swagger but not the chance to prove it.
So this year’s award goes to Daniel Craig in Layer Cake / Munich.
In Layer Cake we see a suave guy playing a mobster, and it’s somewhat there, but not completely. When you watch him in Munich, you see a guy who looks like James Bond. I don’t want to sound shallow, or gay, but he just wasn’t all there in Layer Cake, at least in presence for me. In Munich, he steals your attention because you can’t stop thinking, “THAT’S JAMES BOND!!!!” I mean, it’s like turning a Ramona into Angelina Jolie or Pam Anderson (pick your flavor). They suddenly go from being ok to someone who knows for a fact they can fuck anyone in the room.
Watching Munich, you see an entirely different actor. It’s almost uncanny.
The Love Actually award for chick flicks David is going to love even though it’s detrimental to his mental stability:
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Ice Princess
Brokeback Mountain.
The Yahoo Serious award for distractingly bad hair
Paul Reiser in “The Aristocrats”
And now to the shortened best of the year:
I once again didn’t see all that many movies.
But the top five in no order
Sin City
Munich
The 40 year old Virgin (you know how I know you are gay, you put this in your list)
Batman Begins
King Kong
Just off:
Good Night and Good Luck, minus 10 minutes from the film and you have the best made for classrooms film ever made. A great story with great acting, but there is not quite enough in the story to call it a great movie.
The Aristocrats: Funny, but not deep enough, and the division hurts the movie, though the South Park joke is genius.
Movies:
The Michael Bay’s Pearl Harbor Award for the Worst film idea of the year (tie):
Remaking “Yours, Mine, and Ours” and making a sequel to Cheaper By the Dozen.
If there were shootings following Get Rich or Die Tryin’ how come people men are keeping women off the pill.
The Ja Rule singer that shouldn’t be in movies award:
The easy winner here would be 50, but he was playing himself. That he struggled is one thing, but it’s still second to this years winner: Usher.
Namely for playing a straight male.
The Katie Holmes in The Gift award for a normally clothed actress who suddenly shows breasts to the audiences complete surprise:
Carla Gugino in “Sin City”
The Bruce Dickenson, yes the Bruce Dickenson award for best Christopher Walken moment:
Him coming in one Vince Vaughn hog tied to the bed In Wedding Crashers.
The Hunt For Red October Award for movie I am probably going to watch the most when it comes to cable.
Comedies usually win this, but because of the terrible third act and the fact that you rarely stumble on to movies that are 45 minutes in on cable, the award goes to Sin City over Wedding Crashers and 40 Year Old Virgin.
Speaking of:
The Hook, good god get me an editor for this film:
Wedding Crashers.
The South Park already did it award:
Since The Ringer actually was allegedly in development before the South Park episode ever aired, lets go back to season two, when at the film fest Cartman deemed all indie films a “Bunch of Gay Cowboys eating pudding.”
Cowboy #1: Well I’ve finished my pudding, what should we do?
Cowboy #2: Let’s experiment with our sexuality.
Now I haven’t seen Brokeback Mountain, but I am sure it’s almost exactly like that.
The Dune, you know what, this book is just inadaptable award:
Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I mean, what the hell happened. What the hell was with the gorgons looking closer to senior citizens than aliens thing? And the dolphins song. It looked like we might get a good movie with the trailer, but nope.
The maybe the whole thing wasn’t so good after all award:
The receipts for Serenity might make this point with Firefly. Just some pretty uninspired storytelling.
On the other hand we get the:
The Incredibles I can’t believe how good the storytelling in this film.
Batman Begins. Few movies ever have done exposition this well, it’s another thing for a comic book movie to do this and include the origin story as well. And now we have a clear cut winner for the best comic book movie ever made.
The Remington Steele/ James Bond Award.
When Remington Steele was on the air and Roger Daltry stepped down from the Bond franchise, they found their replacement in Pierce Brosnan. But this was in the mid 80’s when Remington Steele was still on the air. The word got out and the network used this knowledge to get bigger ratings and trap Brosnan to the show and not to the Bond throne. The show struggled and then failed. But there was thing where Brosnan and the show became completely compelling because you knew that Brosnan suddenly was able to utter the words, “Bond, James Bond” and woo everyone in the room, woman and man. Before you didn’t buy him completely, because he didn’t have that swagger. Why I think Brosnan is as good as Connery is because he lived as Bond for close to a decade before doing GoldenEye. He knew who Bond was as good as any because he was given that swagger but not the chance to prove it.
So this year’s award goes to Daniel Craig in Layer Cake / Munich.
In Layer Cake we see a suave guy playing a mobster, and it’s somewhat there, but not completely. When you watch him in Munich, you see a guy who looks like James Bond. I don’t want to sound shallow, or gay, but he just wasn’t all there in Layer Cake, at least in presence for me. In Munich, he steals your attention because you can’t stop thinking, “THAT’S JAMES BOND!!!!” I mean, it’s like turning a Ramona into Angelina Jolie or Pam Anderson (pick your flavor). They suddenly go from being ok to someone who knows for a fact they can fuck anyone in the room.
Watching Munich, you see an entirely different actor. It’s almost uncanny.
The Love Actually award for chick flicks David is going to love even though it’s detrimental to his mental stability:
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
Ice Princess
Brokeback Mountain.
The Yahoo Serious award for distractingly bad hair
Paul Reiser in “The Aristocrats”
And now to the shortened best of the year:
I once again didn’t see all that many movies.
But the top five in no order
Sin City
Munich
The 40 year old Virgin (you know how I know you are gay, you put this in your list)
Batman Begins
King Kong
Just off:
Good Night and Good Luck, minus 10 minutes from the film and you have the best made for classrooms film ever made. A great story with great acting, but there is not quite enough in the story to call it a great movie.
The Aristocrats: Funny, but not deep enough, and the division hurts the movie, though the South Park joke is genius.
posted by Indiana at
8:00 AM
2 Comments:
The Aristocrats sucked ass, clearly you've never seen carla guccipucci in CENTER OF THE WORLD, and The Mission or maaaaybe The Last of the Mohicans is/are the best classroom movies of all time.
And Usher likes girls - seriously, he said so in an interview.
By
Anonymous, at January 11, 2006 10:35 PM
You can almost see the dyslexia in your thought process.
By
Anonymous, at February 13, 2006 3:05 PM
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