Flight vs. Invisibility
As a companion piece to my rave of the Incredibles, I would like to add:
The superheroes superpowers list!
I don’t even want to try to explain how much more complicated women are than men. The simple answer to understanding both is that they want it all. The difference between men and women lies in the fact that once women get everything they aren’t happy, and men could never ever get everything that they ever want.
Aside from an argument about the role of materialism in society as it applies to women, and to be fair they are being force fed it from birth, this list is about more. It is about understanding men.
Men, in the world we have, only want sex. At its most base level, all we would like is sexual pleasure. In ascending order: Hand jobs, blowjobs, sex, anal, MFF, and MFF anal, etc, that’s what we want. All of the cars, all of the houses, all of the clothes are simply pretenses to the fact that we want to get laid. But that’s in the world we live in.
Women live on estrogen which simultaneously endows them with the ability to create life and to be stunningly beautiful (read as they have tits).
Men are cursed/blessed with testosterone. If you want to know why men masturbate far more than women do it’s because of this substance flowing in our blood. Estrogen is a supplement for women, it’s a chemical that endows them with their feminine gifts (as well as their irrationality, lack of direction, inability to enjoy videogames, and a desire to change everything in their habitat).
For every man, Testosterone is the greatest drug in the world. It’s natural, it’s semi-addictive, and it makes us do things.
Of course, one of the drawbacks of having access to such a wondrous chemical is that it makes you inevitably selfish. We would rather fuel this drug than do anything else. Whether it is procreation, fighting, sports, whatever, we would rather do this before succumbing to our estrogen-fueled compatriots. (Side argument, gay guys do not have it best, because I think most straight males pick on them for bucking the system of society, all other reasons are way below)
But if you asked any male, they could honestly tell you that they rather not have their life rotate around their sexual impulses. I mean, as great as it is, sex is far too often too much trouble than it’s worth. That fact that in itself, that sex is a drug is an argument too deep for a blog, and so I will finally…
Most men would kill for superpowers. And by kill, I mean both figuratively and literally. They would kill a man to be superman, and they would also absolutely eschew women and the continuation of their family line to be able to be an X-men.
If the offer was to be either sex (unless you are offering rockstar of Hugh Hefner levels of sexual activity, which is a superpower in it's own) or superpowers, society would almost certainly end. Men would ultimately move into a realm of fighting other men over anything, and for those men who didn’t belong in certain battles, they would watch 24/7, as the ability to not sleep would be one of the first superpowers that would be taken.
AND NOW:
THE SUPER POWERS LIST!!!!!
The 15 best superpowers that anyone could have.
The list is a combination of many sources, because this, in truth is what men talk about. I have spent at least 4 entire work shifts doing superpower drafts, where each person takes a power (up to 30 picks total), an animal friend, an animal friend, and a vehicle. As much as my logic rules, many of the arguments within are from men I have worked with.
15. Ice/ Fire powers: This entails the ability to either freeze stuff or to create fire/ manipulate it. The ice power is not just limited to freezing items to stop them in their tracks, but to create paths for oneself, to fix bridges and create paths to get to other locations, an ability to impasse rather than bypass. Fire is the opposite in terms of result, as it is one of incineration instead of manipulation, or a basic create vs. destroy. In essence they are two sides of an environmental manipulation coin that deserve their own listings, but I like the number 15 for lists.
14. Alchemy. For those who never learned about the weird phenomenon of scientists in times before more certain science who tried to turn Mercury into Gold by removing one atomic particle (specifically it was two, the proton and the electron, but that’s a science lesson I am 5 years from giving) and therefore taking a plentiful and cheap element and making a scarce and valuable one. Anyway Alchemy has turned into a metaphor for taking one thing of lesser value and turning it into something fantastic, like adding an editor to this website, and in more baser cultural terms, this is the Midas touch expanded, the ability to turn anything to something else. It would be wonderful to turn the aluminum into gold so one could have unlimited wealth, or sand into Francium so one could destroy another person (Francium with water = explosion and thusly a restricted substance) but the power is limited due to resources around you and still not as good as #13.
13. Super intelligence. This would be defined as Einstein type intelligence without the Autistic like drawbacks he had, I mean, he could barely cross the street on his own, but he came up with the theory of relativity. Think of this as the ability to decipher the world around you as well as the likely outcome of those you face. It’s one of unlimited power, but the drawback is that nothing can be done without anyone else (important if no one can help you carry out the endgame, see Syndrome in The Incredibles).
12. Weather powers – Think Storm in X men. This is the ability to summon weather storms at will, from snow, to tornados, to floods. The problem is that this power is limited to a certain area, and even though one could fly on the wind, they still can’t match the powers above or catch-
11. Super Speed—While the Flash simply could run from his problems if they were too many, the fact is that unless you could overpower a man with super speed, you could move too fast for them.
10. Invisibility – The rules on this are as follows. You can turn it on and off. (i.e. Fantastic Four) Your clothes can turn with you (an invisible person does not have to work nude) but that which you carry cannot, i.e. a bag of money or a gun. This is an ability of stealth. One can sneak into secret meetings and locations, but actually doing anything would give you away unless you do it outside of other peoples view. One could change the world, but it would be very difficult, and one would get caught if not completely thorough.
09. Telekinesis/ mind control – The ability to move things with ones mind. It is of course limited in a certain size matter, as you couldn’t move the Earth, or likely anything bigger than a truck. In my mind, the cap weight for moving stuff with your mind is like that of an ant, no more than 50 times your size. People, yes, rocks and such, of course, but it’s still only up to three objects at a time, so fighting a massive crowd would be really tough. As with mind control, it’s still only going to be limited to one person at a time.
8. Spiderman abilities – The only character specific ability on this list. From the ability to move fast, to climb walls, to webbing, this is a dandy, but because they are of the ability of a creature before it (so maybe spider sense doesn’t exist, but we’ll let it go). It’s speed, strength, stealth, and power, but you are still limited to certain areas like New York, as someone with #7 would be effective in Nebraska, as web slinging would not be as effective.
7. Flight- You can go anywhere from normal human top speed 30 miles an hour at top human recorded speed to 1000 miles an hour a la superman. Still this is an ability to move from place to place without restrictions and boundaries. But also, I mean, it’s the ability to fly, that is amazing as is.
6. Super Strength. I won’t include an ability to jump really far because of massive leg muscles, a la the Hulk, but I will concede a certain ability to move faster, jump higher, and withstand more pain. But mainly, it’s like the Hulk, Superman, and Thor abilities, to simply overpower most every other Super. Taking down walls, stopping cars with a fist, punching an enemy 200 feet, this is super strength, and one can only outrun a strongman for so long.
5. Invulnerability – It seems like it should be the top power for the simple idea that you couldn’t be stopped. But even though bullets, fire, cold, or whatever couldn’t stop you, there are ways to limit the capabilities of invincibility, as one can simply run away, lock you away, or simply move in mass numbers. You may not ever be hurt, but you can’t stop anyone.
Now we get into the ultimate powers:
4. Shape Shifter – So you cannot take a person’s abilities, nor can you assume their presence while you mimic them. BUT this is not limited to people, one could turn into a wall substance to hide, or a person and you do have voice mimic ability. So, this is t-1000 from Terminator powers, nothing complicated, but one where most situations cannot hurt you (the only being extreme heat and cold). Doppelganger abilities, camouflage know how, and so on.
3. Stop/Start time – This is the ability to stop the flow of time (limited to a 2 square mile radius, in terms of ultimate effect, i.e. you can’t stop time and go around the world with no consequences). But, this is one of those powers where you don’t need anything else, you simply have to stop time and avoid bullets, move past henchmen, topple the bad guy as he is suspended, and then walk away. It is wonderful and hard to stop, but not as good as the next two.
2. Time travel--- Almost as powerful as can be, as one can move through time and the ability to redo situations. One could also move to certain locations within a certain area. With the whole problem of time changing paradoxes this poses a problem but if done right, this would be an ability where one could (lets impose a 1 square mile radius) correct the problems as they arise. But because of the problems of messing with time, and the fallibility of messing with imaginary time, it’s still not as good and fantastic as:
1. Teleportation: Aside from never having to take a cab home from a bar or a friends place drunk again, this power would allow you almost unlimited power. Look at the opening scene of X:2 for an example. Even with a restriction of travel, this is a power of flight, escaping, speed (you could transport after every punch), and everything but time travel. This ability is one that is almost able to negate almost every power above it. Only if a super strength being got off a direct hit on you would go down. But other than that, what could stop you?
The superheroes superpowers list!
I don’t even want to try to explain how much more complicated women are than men. The simple answer to understanding both is that they want it all. The difference between men and women lies in the fact that once women get everything they aren’t happy, and men could never ever get everything that they ever want.
Aside from an argument about the role of materialism in society as it applies to women, and to be fair they are being force fed it from birth, this list is about more. It is about understanding men.
Men, in the world we have, only want sex. At its most base level, all we would like is sexual pleasure. In ascending order: Hand jobs, blowjobs, sex, anal, MFF, and MFF anal, etc, that’s what we want. All of the cars, all of the houses, all of the clothes are simply pretenses to the fact that we want to get laid. But that’s in the world we live in.
Women live on estrogen which simultaneously endows them with the ability to create life and to be stunningly beautiful (read as they have tits).
Men are cursed/blessed with testosterone. If you want to know why men masturbate far more than women do it’s because of this substance flowing in our blood. Estrogen is a supplement for women, it’s a chemical that endows them with their feminine gifts (as well as their irrationality, lack of direction, inability to enjoy videogames, and a desire to change everything in their habitat).
For every man, Testosterone is the greatest drug in the world. It’s natural, it’s semi-addictive, and it makes us do things.
Of course, one of the drawbacks of having access to such a wondrous chemical is that it makes you inevitably selfish. We would rather fuel this drug than do anything else. Whether it is procreation, fighting, sports, whatever, we would rather do this before succumbing to our estrogen-fueled compatriots. (Side argument, gay guys do not have it best, because I think most straight males pick on them for bucking the system of society, all other reasons are way below)
But if you asked any male, they could honestly tell you that they rather not have their life rotate around their sexual impulses. I mean, as great as it is, sex is far too often too much trouble than it’s worth. That fact that in itself, that sex is a drug is an argument too deep for a blog, and so I will finally…
GET ON WITH IT
Most men would kill for superpowers. And by kill, I mean both figuratively and literally. They would kill a man to be superman, and they would also absolutely eschew women and the continuation of their family line to be able to be an X-men.
If the offer was to be either sex (unless you are offering rockstar of Hugh Hefner levels of sexual activity, which is a superpower in it's own) or superpowers, society would almost certainly end. Men would ultimately move into a realm of fighting other men over anything, and for those men who didn’t belong in certain battles, they would watch 24/7, as the ability to not sleep would be one of the first superpowers that would be taken.
AND NOW:
THE SUPER POWERS LIST!!!!!
The 15 best superpowers that anyone could have.
The list is a combination of many sources, because this, in truth is what men talk about. I have spent at least 4 entire work shifts doing superpower drafts, where each person takes a power (up to 30 picks total), an animal friend, an animal friend, and a vehicle. As much as my logic rules, many of the arguments within are from men I have worked with.
15. Ice/ Fire powers: This entails the ability to either freeze stuff or to create fire/ manipulate it. The ice power is not just limited to freezing items to stop them in their tracks, but to create paths for oneself, to fix bridges and create paths to get to other locations, an ability to impasse rather than bypass. Fire is the opposite in terms of result, as it is one of incineration instead of manipulation, or a basic create vs. destroy. In essence they are two sides of an environmental manipulation coin that deserve their own listings, but I like the number 15 for lists.
14. Alchemy. For those who never learned about the weird phenomenon of scientists in times before more certain science who tried to turn Mercury into Gold by removing one atomic particle (specifically it was two, the proton and the electron, but that’s a science lesson I am 5 years from giving) and therefore taking a plentiful and cheap element and making a scarce and valuable one. Anyway Alchemy has turned into a metaphor for taking one thing of lesser value and turning it into something fantastic, like adding an editor to this website, and in more baser cultural terms, this is the Midas touch expanded, the ability to turn anything to something else. It would be wonderful to turn the aluminum into gold so one could have unlimited wealth, or sand into Francium so one could destroy another person (Francium with water = explosion and thusly a restricted substance) but the power is limited due to resources around you and still not as good as #13.
13. Super intelligence. This would be defined as Einstein type intelligence without the Autistic like drawbacks he had, I mean, he could barely cross the street on his own, but he came up with the theory of relativity. Think of this as the ability to decipher the world around you as well as the likely outcome of those you face. It’s one of unlimited power, but the drawback is that nothing can be done without anyone else (important if no one can help you carry out the endgame, see Syndrome in The Incredibles).
12. Weather powers – Think Storm in X men. This is the ability to summon weather storms at will, from snow, to tornados, to floods. The problem is that this power is limited to a certain area, and even though one could fly on the wind, they still can’t match the powers above or catch-
11. Super Speed—While the Flash simply could run from his problems if they were too many, the fact is that unless you could overpower a man with super speed, you could move too fast for them.
10. Invisibility – The rules on this are as follows. You can turn it on and off. (i.e. Fantastic Four) Your clothes can turn with you (an invisible person does not have to work nude) but that which you carry cannot, i.e. a bag of money or a gun. This is an ability of stealth. One can sneak into secret meetings and locations, but actually doing anything would give you away unless you do it outside of other peoples view. One could change the world, but it would be very difficult, and one would get caught if not completely thorough.
09. Telekinesis/ mind control – The ability to move things with ones mind. It is of course limited in a certain size matter, as you couldn’t move the Earth, or likely anything bigger than a truck. In my mind, the cap weight for moving stuff with your mind is like that of an ant, no more than 50 times your size. People, yes, rocks and such, of course, but it’s still only up to three objects at a time, so fighting a massive crowd would be really tough. As with mind control, it’s still only going to be limited to one person at a time.
8. Spiderman abilities – The only character specific ability on this list. From the ability to move fast, to climb walls, to webbing, this is a dandy, but because they are of the ability of a creature before it (so maybe spider sense doesn’t exist, but we’ll let it go). It’s speed, strength, stealth, and power, but you are still limited to certain areas like New York, as someone with #7 would be effective in Nebraska, as web slinging would not be as effective.
7. Flight- You can go anywhere from normal human top speed 30 miles an hour at top human recorded speed to 1000 miles an hour a la superman. Still this is an ability to move from place to place without restrictions and boundaries. But also, I mean, it’s the ability to fly, that is amazing as is.
6. Super Strength. I won’t include an ability to jump really far because of massive leg muscles, a la the Hulk, but I will concede a certain ability to move faster, jump higher, and withstand more pain. But mainly, it’s like the Hulk, Superman, and Thor abilities, to simply overpower most every other Super. Taking down walls, stopping cars with a fist, punching an enemy 200 feet, this is super strength, and one can only outrun a strongman for so long.
5. Invulnerability – It seems like it should be the top power for the simple idea that you couldn’t be stopped. But even though bullets, fire, cold, or whatever couldn’t stop you, there are ways to limit the capabilities of invincibility, as one can simply run away, lock you away, or simply move in mass numbers. You may not ever be hurt, but you can’t stop anyone.
Now we get into the ultimate powers:
4. Shape Shifter – So you cannot take a person’s abilities, nor can you assume their presence while you mimic them. BUT this is not limited to people, one could turn into a wall substance to hide, or a person and you do have voice mimic ability. So, this is t-1000 from Terminator powers, nothing complicated, but one where most situations cannot hurt you (the only being extreme heat and cold). Doppelganger abilities, camouflage know how, and so on.
3. Stop/Start time – This is the ability to stop the flow of time (limited to a 2 square mile radius, in terms of ultimate effect, i.e. you can’t stop time and go around the world with no consequences). But, this is one of those powers where you don’t need anything else, you simply have to stop time and avoid bullets, move past henchmen, topple the bad guy as he is suspended, and then walk away. It is wonderful and hard to stop, but not as good as the next two.
2. Time travel--- Almost as powerful as can be, as one can move through time and the ability to redo situations. One could also move to certain locations within a certain area. With the whole problem of time changing paradoxes this poses a problem but if done right, this would be an ability where one could (lets impose a 1 square mile radius) correct the problems as they arise. But because of the problems of messing with time, and the fallibility of messing with imaginary time, it’s still not as good and fantastic as:
1. Teleportation: Aside from never having to take a cab home from a bar or a friends place drunk again, this power would allow you almost unlimited power. Look at the opening scene of X:2 for an example. Even with a restriction of travel, this is a power of flight, escaping, speed (you could transport after every punch), and everything but time travel. This ability is one that is almost able to negate almost every power above it. Only if a super strength being got off a direct hit on you would go down. But other than that, what could stop you?
posted by Indiana at
2:03 AM
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"Hello. My name is Indiana Dave and I don't need to use the intuitive and well written blog template that my roommate and friend laboriously tailored specifically to my needs. Instead I prefer to paste in from MS Word and make him do twice amount the work just to clean it up."
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toastycakes, at March 21, 2005 5:35 AM
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