Once again, everybody this time

Back home again /
In indiana.

So I am running out of ideas for the moment.

I came up with this bit of philospohy.

Why is it that the people who are best at sex tend to be the worst at love. And vice versa.

Speaking of...

Miami Vice looks terrible. You need the unintentional comedy of a Don Johnson.

So, here's a scene from one of my projects. The format's awful, but so to is our electoral system.

Enjoy:

MAC wakes up around 3 in the morning to some stirring in his house. He walks out and sees a little child playing with toys. He is startled, but he moves on to the next room. There is a LITTLE GIRL playing with a doll and her hair.

MAC
Hey there little girl. Can I help you?

Little girl is silent.

MAC
What about you little fella? How you doing? Having some fun with that truck?

He stonewalls Mac. Mac then gets up and moves to his kitchen. There stands a TEENAGE GIRL in short shorts and a wifebeater t-shirt.

TEENAGE GIRL
You must be Andrew.

The other kids come into the kitchen. The huddle around the girl.

MAC
So what are all of your names?

TEENAGE GIRL
We don’t have names.

MAC
Right, because that would make too much sense, seeing as there are three kids in my house at 3 in the morning.

LITTLE GIRL
You never gave us names.

Mac is startled.

MAC
All right, that’s kind of creepy.

TEENAGE GIRL
We are the souls of children whose lives you ended with abortions and birth control.

Mac looks around. He figures it out.

MAC
Come out Dad. You almost got me. Once again, I regret to inform you I am not going to change my stance on birth control or woman’s choice due to theatrics.

(continued...)

It's not funny.

Steaze already put his point on it. But I thought I would do something too.

Losing Richard Pryor isn't that painful, because like with Dangerfield, we knew it was coming and would be for years.

My favorite Pryor quote:

One night I went home with a playboy bunny. A PLAYBOY BUN-NIE. So we go back to her house and it was one of those homes where everything seems sexy.

And I'm looking around and I'm like, if I don't get her, at least I can fuck this couch!

So, anyway I have been working at getting work the last few days.

I left my job because I had as bad of a boss you can imagine. Just an absolute idiot who suffering from little man's disease and El Salvo sickness.

I'd be getting into a car, and he would say to me, "go park that car."

I'd try to talk to the guy and he would stonewall me with the same three common ideas. Every idea that helped he couldn't hear. And then he would implement it anyway. Yeah, I'm bitter. But just as sad as my old boss was, is my new situation.

Remember when Comedy Central used to run SNL all the time and we could watch classic episodes up to 7 times a day? And then CC went and picked up Mad TV and left SNL to the E! network, which warms itself to the fires burning our society it helps stoke with programming like four hour True hollywood stories and Paris watch 2005.

So now we are left with a 3rd rate show like Mad Tv. Where we see a bunch of drama kids play up the fact that they are on TV. And think they are talented.

Let's see.

MadTV has Orlando Jones, Will Sasso and Lois Berstien and a bunch of people who like to appear in Sierra Mist commercials.

SNL has had Billy Crystal, Bill Murray, Jim Belushi, Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Will Ferrell (go SC!) and well, 90% of every good talented comedian of the last 30 years. Most of all, Phil Hartman.

i sent a text message out of the highlight of this clip,

http://snltranscripts.jt.org/92/92pactress.phtml

with the words "it's fobody's nault!!!!'

One of my all time favorites, and they showed it plenty of times.

worth calling off work for.

Even if SNL sucks now, and has since Ferrell left, it's still leagues beyond Mad TV.

I still blame MTV networks for this. Why the hell did CC change. It will never make sense to me.

So I left my job to try and find new, greener grass and something fulfilling.

I wound up pulling a CC for Mad tv, and taking the long way to fuck myself in the ass.

And I'm no better off.

So inspired by Rich and Mad Tv:

the list of things that aren't funny, and I won't argue about it.


1. Women. (Only Sarah Silverman is actually funny)
2. Gays - watch Will and Grace.
3. Mad TV
4. Napoleon Dynamite
5. Sex and the City
6. Any comedy on ABC
7. Zoolander
8. Carlos Mencia
9. Stankervision
10. Rapper cd interludes and skits.
11. Retards. (or the mentally handicapped, whatever, but look it takes a soulless person to laugh at someone of their ilk. I call people retards or chromosone deficient because they are failing. But never will I laugh at people who suffer. I don't even think the South Park episode is funny. It pisses me off when you take someone who lacks the ability to adjust and better themselves due to mental incapacity. If I ever have the ability to fund a charity I will do everything in my power to stop this. In general, if you laugh at this kind of act, or you portray them (as an actor or a joke) I really think less of you as a person. Maybe this is why I hate Nap Dyn, because it doesn't seem like anything more than a retard joke to me.) This is the easiest joke to make, and it's the business equivalent of stealing from the company to make yourself rich and then bragging about it to your co workers when they are in the poorhouse.)

Other things I won't debate, these things I know are true.

The love scene in Out of Sight is the best ever done. Even if J. Lo has helped ruin America since.

Fox canceling Arrested Development not only ruined my year, but cemented it as the best comedy of all time.

Really, women are not funny. It's like trying to find an NBA superstar. it's once in a generation.

if you are down to your last dollar, insurance against a 10 when you have been losing is not a sucker bet.

The laugh track is worthwhile.

Kanye West is terrible.

Fallout Boy is proof of the ruin of the white male since 1994.

Top Gun is a gay film. And so too, is Tom Cruise.

Richard Pryor was the greatest comic of all time.

(continued...)

And it's DEEP too!

Interviewer: Alright, Mr. Wilson, you've done just fine on the Rorshact.. your papers are in good order.. your file's fine.. no difficulties with your motor skills.. And I think you're probably ready for this job. We've got one more psychological test we always do here. It's just a Word Association. I'll throw you out a few words - anything that comes to your mind, just throw back at me, okay? It's kind of an arbitrary thing. Like, if I say "dog", you'd say..?

Mr. Wilson: "Tree".

Interviewer: "Tree". [ nods head, prepares the test papers ] "Dog".

Mr. Wilson: "Tree".

Interviewer: "Fast".

Mr. Wilson: "Slow".

Interviewer: "Rain".

Mr. Wilson: "Snow".

Interviewer: "White".

Mr. Wilson: "Black".

Interviewer: "Bean".

Mr. Wilson: "Pod".

Interviewer: [ casually ] "Negro".

Mr. Wilson: "Whitey".

Interviewer: "Tarbaby".

Mr. Wilson: [ silent, sure he didn't hear what he thinks he heard ] What'd you say?

Interviewer: [ repeating ] "Tarbaby".

Mr. Wilson: "Ofay".

Interviewer: "Colored".

Mr. Wilson: "Redneck".

Interviewer: "Junglebunny".

Mr. Wilson: [ starting to get angry ] "Peckerwood!"

Interviewer: "Burrhead".

Mr. Wilson: [ defensive ] "Cracker!"

Interviewer: [ aggressive ] "Spearchucker".

Mr. Wilson: "White trash!"

Interviewer: "Jungle Bunny!"

Mr. Wilson: [ upset ] "Honky!"

Interviewer: "Spade!

Mr. Wilson: [ really upset ] "Honky Honky!"

Interviewer: [ relentless ] "Nigger!"

Mr. Wilson: [ immediate ] "Dead honky!" [ face starts to flinch ]

Interviewer: [ quickly wraps the interview up ] Okay, Mr. Wilson, I think you're qualified for this job. How about a starting salary of $5,000?

Mr. Wilson: Your momma!

Interviewer: [ fumbling ] Uh.. $7,500 a year?

Mr. Wilson: Your grandmomma!

Interviewer: [ desperate ] $15,000, Mr. Wilson. You'll be the highest paid janitor in America. Just, don't.. don't hurt me, please..

Mr. Wilson: Okay.

Interviewer: [ relieved ] Okay.

Mr. Wilson: You want me to start now?

Interviewer: Oh, no, no.. that's alright. I'll clean all this up. Take a couple of weeks off, you look tired.

[ fade ]

(continued...)

Out of the closet.

Just click the link!

(continued...)

Link