Chronicles, pt 3
But. So I began the year anew and it was to be a grand start. At both jobs I worked, I was promoted in one form or another.
At my film office I was "promoted" to the production office. After months of aimlessness and nearly falling asleep at my desk, I was sent over to the talent and creative side of the office. While I think this may have been because I was trained, well versed and inclined to this side of the field, I am also sure it is due to the fact I spent downtime reading about NFL draft history instead of doing film work.
At the other, I was moved from being a mere peon in the valet world to a man of middle, middle management. Not quite at the top yet not a mere valet, I was now given higher pay and allowed to slack off more. The connection of the two is mindboggling. You raise in stature and you do less. It's the American way.
But all of this is kind of bunk if not for a single moment this June.
My friend was leaving town and heading home after a disastrous and fate altering few weeks. With his deposit, he had decided to buy his brother an ipod in exchange for lending him money for rent. So before he left he spent the night over at my house with another friend of mine. Lacking any excess money, we decided to keep it cheap and drink over at my house. We played videogames, we drank heavily and philosophized into the early morn. Were it not for the ipod, this would not have been the moment it could have been. As I sat in my chair watching flickers of TV, I was once again listening to an anthemic song of my high school friends, it dawned upon me once again who I am and what and who I love. 9 times out of 10, I would rather stay home with friends and an armageddon stash of booze and let the night come from those ingredients instead of going out to bars. The song, wish you were here. I leave it at that.
But anyway. I guess it comes to a point in this email and in this life, where you start to figure out what your life is to you and who you are to the rest of the world. Do you settle down and set for the future, pick up the pieces of everything around you and build again after a life changing event as graduation, a wedding, a bad breakup, or a death in your life, or do hold on to comfort for as long as you can, staying in the womb for as long as you can. I suppose I have pondered all of the former as I am sure the rest of you have. Where do you begin when the set path has ended. There are steps presented for us, and choices to be made.
Since I was 15 and I knew figured out that I would rather tell stories to anyone who could listen than work in the real world, I figured it is an artists life for me. The sweet bohemian air where what you love and create is who you are. There is a far more interesting world out those who are more obsessed with legacy and history than the day to day. And I knew at this point, I was a pretty selfish person and not to modest. To my friends who read this, I must say if there were times I have been insensitive and thoughtless, I probably knew I did it, but I never meant malice.
It's kind of a weird dichotomy if you truly want to create art and history, or at least in my sense of it, you know you have to be better than 99.9% of the world, and you have to think like that, because you are doing something they themselves can not do, telling them about life in ways they have not thought about. But at the same time, all you want in return is their approval and acknowlegdement. In your heart you know your heart that you have something special to say, but what you want first is for people to hear it. Politicians think they know better than men and lead them thustly, artists merely suggest they know the other course and hope not to be slapped in return. Somewhere the poem of Ozmandous applies here.
So I came to the realization with that song, that I knew why I was here. It was art. It was hearing four guys sing about their lost friend and remembering that sometimes what you have gone through may be entirely personal, but you'd be amazed how often and how easily people can relate.
And it comes back, once again to Lord of the rings and Sam's speech. I may not be fighting for life and glory, but art is good, and it is worth fighting and struggling for.
My father always told me that the greatest gift in life in intelligence. In typical contrarion fashion to my father, I say, intelligence is nothing without life experience. Shakespeare means crap if you don't know what love is. The Beatles aren't the greatest thing ever until you've know why you can get by with a little help from your friends. And until you have made love with someone you truly care about, you will never get Marvin Gaye.
But in the end, all that matters is that you are surrounded by people you love often enough that you don't forget why you are doing what you are doing. If you learn something from it, failure can be even better for you life than success. And in my own selfish way, I realized I am going to be far happier if I am working for my own legacy than being rich. Indeed, maybe virtue is it's own reward, but all things considered, I'd still like to see the Cubbies win instead of constantly suffering.
So is this more of a journal than it is an email. I am trying to prevent it from being. I just hope that you found this amusing. maybe inspiration, and hopefully never boring. Do I have anything to say to you? Just this. Realize that this is life, you only get one chance at it, and make sure you make the most of it. And this is not one of those Dead Poets Socitey or I am dying of cancer and only now do I realize what life is.
For me, my day today was made by eating chips, drinking soda, watching baseball, and seeing Spiderman 2 (when he's on the train and the kids tell Peter they wont tell anyone, it was over man)
Yesterday, it was because I rocked out hardcore to the darkness.
Saturday, I listened to my favorite song of all time with a girl I was trying to woo in my car at 3 in the morning.
Quite frankly, I miss my home to death. After going home for a friends wedding and seeing my father and mother and remembering how much strength your parents can give you, I have never considered leaving California more for my home. But it was one moment that when I think about it changed my mind. After the wedding and the best moment of my week (where I was just able to say I was genuinely happy for my friends who were getting married, and one of those honest moments in life where you are simply overcome by love and all you want to do is for people to know it, which really, if you want to know what love is, all you have to do is think about the people, if you just think yes, and you know, thats love, and thats what I felt for the newlyweds. It's rare when you get a moment of genuine happiness, and I hope you cherish it) But once again it came down to music. I was on the way over to a friends house (this also his last name, ironically) and he played a CD comprised of songs by the group Drive By Truckers. They are a pseudo campy southern rock band who are really great yet some won't get it. But for me, when he queued up a song about Steve McQueen, it went from being a simple car trip to my best moment of my year. I was with a friend I have know for 20+ years, I was listening to a song about an idol of mine (and thustly being reminded about why McQueen was an idol of mine) and going to get drunk in a house I have remembered, down to the smell, as long as I can remember. That short 15 minute ride damn near made my year. I hope you will have one like that soon as well.
Never ever forget to let the little things make you happy. When you die, all you are going to the grave with are regrets. Make sure people don't remember you for them. Life is as much the little moments in-between as it is about the big, grand, celebratory ones. Make sure you remember to cherish both.
And that's what a year just above the poverty line has taught me.
and so, I'll leave you with this:
With love,
David
(continued...)
At my film office I was "promoted" to the production office. After months of aimlessness and nearly falling asleep at my desk, I was sent over to the talent and creative side of the office. While I think this may have been because I was trained, well versed and inclined to this side of the field, I am also sure it is due to the fact I spent downtime reading about NFL draft history instead of doing film work.
At the other, I was moved from being a mere peon in the valet world to a man of middle, middle management. Not quite at the top yet not a mere valet, I was now given higher pay and allowed to slack off more. The connection of the two is mindboggling. You raise in stature and you do less. It's the American way.
But all of this is kind of bunk if not for a single moment this June.
My friend was leaving town and heading home after a disastrous and fate altering few weeks. With his deposit, he had decided to buy his brother an ipod in exchange for lending him money for rent. So before he left he spent the night over at my house with another friend of mine. Lacking any excess money, we decided to keep it cheap and drink over at my house. We played videogames, we drank heavily and philosophized into the early morn. Were it not for the ipod, this would not have been the moment it could have been. As I sat in my chair watching flickers of TV, I was once again listening to an anthemic song of my high school friends, it dawned upon me once again who I am and what and who I love. 9 times out of 10, I would rather stay home with friends and an armageddon stash of booze and let the night come from those ingredients instead of going out to bars. The song, wish you were here. I leave it at that.
But anyway. I guess it comes to a point in this email and in this life, where you start to figure out what your life is to you and who you are to the rest of the world. Do you settle down and set for the future, pick up the pieces of everything around you and build again after a life changing event as graduation, a wedding, a bad breakup, or a death in your life, or do hold on to comfort for as long as you can, staying in the womb for as long as you can. I suppose I have pondered all of the former as I am sure the rest of you have. Where do you begin when the set path has ended. There are steps presented for us, and choices to be made.
Since I was 15 and I knew figured out that I would rather tell stories to anyone who could listen than work in the real world, I figured it is an artists life for me. The sweet bohemian air where what you love and create is who you are. There is a far more interesting world out those who are more obsessed with legacy and history than the day to day. And I knew at this point, I was a pretty selfish person and not to modest. To my friends who read this, I must say if there were times I have been insensitive and thoughtless, I probably knew I did it, but I never meant malice.
It's kind of a weird dichotomy if you truly want to create art and history, or at least in my sense of it, you know you have to be better than 99.9% of the world, and you have to think like that, because you are doing something they themselves can not do, telling them about life in ways they have not thought about. But at the same time, all you want in return is their approval and acknowlegdement. In your heart you know your heart that you have something special to say, but what you want first is for people to hear it. Politicians think they know better than men and lead them thustly, artists merely suggest they know the other course and hope not to be slapped in return. Somewhere the poem of Ozmandous applies here.
So I came to the realization with that song, that I knew why I was here. It was art. It was hearing four guys sing about their lost friend and remembering that sometimes what you have gone through may be entirely personal, but you'd be amazed how often and how easily people can relate.
And it comes back, once again to Lord of the rings and Sam's speech. I may not be fighting for life and glory, but art is good, and it is worth fighting and struggling for.
My father always told me that the greatest gift in life in intelligence. In typical contrarion fashion to my father, I say, intelligence is nothing without life experience. Shakespeare means crap if you don't know what love is. The Beatles aren't the greatest thing ever until you've know why you can get by with a little help from your friends. And until you have made love with someone you truly care about, you will never get Marvin Gaye.
But in the end, all that matters is that you are surrounded by people you love often enough that you don't forget why you are doing what you are doing. If you learn something from it, failure can be even better for you life than success. And in my own selfish way, I realized I am going to be far happier if I am working for my own legacy than being rich. Indeed, maybe virtue is it's own reward, but all things considered, I'd still like to see the Cubbies win instead of constantly suffering.
So is this more of a journal than it is an email. I am trying to prevent it from being. I just hope that you found this amusing. maybe inspiration, and hopefully never boring. Do I have anything to say to you? Just this. Realize that this is life, you only get one chance at it, and make sure you make the most of it. And this is not one of those Dead Poets Socitey or I am dying of cancer and only now do I realize what life is.
For me, my day today was made by eating chips, drinking soda, watching baseball, and seeing Spiderman 2 (when he's on the train and the kids tell Peter they wont tell anyone, it was over man)
Yesterday, it was because I rocked out hardcore to the darkness.
Saturday, I listened to my favorite song of all time with a girl I was trying to woo in my car at 3 in the morning.
Quite frankly, I miss my home to death. After going home for a friends wedding and seeing my father and mother and remembering how much strength your parents can give you, I have never considered leaving California more for my home. But it was one moment that when I think about it changed my mind. After the wedding and the best moment of my week (where I was just able to say I was genuinely happy for my friends who were getting married, and one of those honest moments in life where you are simply overcome by love and all you want to do is for people to know it, which really, if you want to know what love is, all you have to do is think about the people, if you just think yes, and you know, thats love, and thats what I felt for the newlyweds. It's rare when you get a moment of genuine happiness, and I hope you cherish it) But once again it came down to music. I was on the way over to a friends house (this also his last name, ironically) and he played a CD comprised of songs by the group Drive By Truckers. They are a pseudo campy southern rock band who are really great yet some won't get it. But for me, when he queued up a song about Steve McQueen, it went from being a simple car trip to my best moment of my year. I was with a friend I have know for 20+ years, I was listening to a song about an idol of mine (and thustly being reminded about why McQueen was an idol of mine) and going to get drunk in a house I have remembered, down to the smell, as long as I can remember. That short 15 minute ride damn near made my year. I hope you will have one like that soon as well.
Never ever forget to let the little things make you happy. When you die, all you are going to the grave with are regrets. Make sure people don't remember you for them. Life is as much the little moments in-between as it is about the big, grand, celebratory ones. Make sure you remember to cherish both.
And that's what a year just above the poverty line has taught me.
and so, I'll leave you with this:
WHEN I HAVE FEARS THAT I MAY CEASE TO BE
by: John Keats (1795-1821)
HEN I have fears that I may cease to be
- Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,
- Before high-pilèd books, in charact'ry,
- Hold like rich garners the full-ripened grain;
- When I behold, upon the night's starred face,
- Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
- And think that I may never live to trace,
- Their shadows, with the magic hand of chance;
- And when I feel, fair creature of an hour
- That I shall never look upon thee more,
- Never have relish in the faery power
- Of unreflecting love;--then on the shore
- Of the wide world I stand alone, and think,
- Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.
With love,
David
(continued...)
posted by Indiana at
9:31 PM
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